Irony.

I think the most ironic part of life is when you are willing to do something to a person who won't do the same for you. Being in that place makes me doubt my perception about "treat others like you want to be treated" because if you are willing to do so, doesn't that other person should be willing to do the same? But sometimes life is not as fair as a price tag, sometimes you give more than you get in return. For example, as a person you would give a ride for some people who is in need, but when that situation is backwards that other person is not willing to give you a ride. For whatever reason it is, that is still an irony. I see it in everyday's life.

Human is a selfish organism. That is in our blood and our insticts. In my 18 years of life I have only see several people who is a good human being, the thoughtful ones.

There are times when I am completely DONE being left out and I don't even give a rat ass about it anymore since nobody apologize, and I just have to let it go. There are moments when I feel like punching someone who is an hour late for no good reason, I just let it go. If there is anything I learn, it is just let it go. When you can't take it anymore, breathe, try to see the brightside of everything, think of every good stuff, and walk away from your anger.

Think of all the good stuff. I did that all the times, and it works most of the time. And this is the reason why in the future I won't do the same. In the future I will be a better person, I will be a thoughtful person, I will be that person I cannot find now. I promise, tomorrow morning when I wake up, I will be a better person.

goodbye.

I've said goodbye so many times in my life.. but never nailed it well.

goodbye means moving on. not dwelling in sadness. "in time we all forgotten we all grew." - panic at the disco line

I don't know if anybody feels as emotional as I am.

this is another goodbye and another hello.

Saying goodbye to my comfy bubble here in Jakarta.. bye.

a pro.

I always feel curious about how foreign people always proud for their music, unlike us. Indonesian (including me) always feel a bit ashamed towards the local music, I don't blame the music.. but there are a few of local artists in the entertainment industry that are capable of being a respectable person. also the television stars is unspeakable too. Some of them I also found shopping in a mall wearing sunglasses. in a mall. with a sunglasses? seriously? I didn't even know who she was? I mean she tried to act all important and stuff but really? you are that satisfied with your achievement?

What I like about foreign stars is just they act professional in every occasion. this is a video of korean stars keep doing their best dance even though it was raining hard. I respect them so much.

replay

So.. It's almost graduation now.. kinda weird isn't it? one day you are just going through your first day of school, and here you are almost graduating.. 3 years seems to pass so fast.

Recently, I went into some kind of event held by a very famous local designer here in Indonesia. It was such an honor to watch that kind of amazing show. I wasn't originally interested in the fashion world, but my mom has an extra ticket so why not? When I got there I wore a simple dress (that has some kind of weird big flowers pattern which make it look more like a curtain than a dress) and wedges.. I can say that whatever you wear on an event like that, you will always feel underdressed. I wasn't really shocked like the first time and I constantly said to myself, "okay, stay cool, stay cool, just act like you know this stuff.." which I actually feel a bit lost ._.

Wherever I go to places, the most important thing is to just keep my poker face, and act like you know this things. whether it's a fashion show, science camp, or some rock concert, it works all the time.

There were catwalk, tall models, and very important first row people. I think that people who want to jump into the fashion world should prepare for this stuff, it's different from anything you watch on E channel, It's way bigger and more whimsical. But... the clothes.. it's AMAZING.. it doesn't bound with trend and is a unique work of art. It doesn't try to fit in with the time, instead it opens a new trend for people.

To my opinion, it is the same with people. People who open its own way is most likely to stand out in public. Not the ones who follow the mainstream.. the same with business too.

I need to brace up with several changes in my life.. I also lost my dog, pretzel who has been with me for 8 years. I feel so sad but I always think dwelling in sadness won't help anything. I just can pray.. and let go. I hope everything's going to be okay in the future, I hope there are greater things in my life, I hope.

face it

whoa this is all happening too fast........ !

everything and suddenly we are all going to have our graduation! this is surreal..
and after all of that, we will be going to college, and going separate ways..
I wish I can just pause at this moment for a second and just.. feeling it.
I feel so sad, but I am also happy.. and also scared.
we are grown ups now, we are no children anymore. this is too sad.
But there are a lot of new responsibilities in the future, and we have to do our best to cope with that.
I know that the future may seems like a strange place to be.. it's like looking into the magic ball and imagining you being in the future in that place, in that time, with some new people may look... odd.
some part of me say that I'm not ready for this, but this is what everyone's been through. I have to do this.
remember your dream, remember what your goal is, remember what you wanna do. Just keep your eyes on the prize. Chase that dream like a never ending marathon of life. always a challenge.

fantasy

in the midst of this craziness living in a city which is so crowded, and very noisy.. sometimes I dreamed about living in a peaceful countryside near the hills where everything is quieter. When I was small I imagine myself living in a harvest moon world where you can plant crops and sell it for a living.. and you get married, have children, happily ever after. I can play harmonica all day and write songs maybe write some novels, and pretend I didn't hear about the politics, global warming, or the apocalypse. whatever. you are not obliged to do anything except enjoying the nature.

okay it's too cheesy.

alright, maybe the great magician Howl can find me and we'll be married and happily living in a moving castle.

okay, stop.

behind the ambitious me, sometimes, I need a break. we all do.

Don't Betray Your Dreams

here is the good news: I got accepted at SBM ITB through snmptn jalur undangan!

I will study business and management there! I am really thankful to Allah.. I don't even have to do any test, can you believe that? I only had to fill in some information through web.. and simsalabim "Selamat, anda lulus seleksi!" Until now I still can't believe it.. there are people who I believe have better score than me.. part of me says that I don't deserve this.. for all my life I always be a so-so kind of girl, but now I got accepted at the most known university in Indonesia. I don't know if I'm ready for it, but I will try my best.

Some people say that this school is only famous because its name, but for me it's not the university that matter, it's the major I took. I like business since my best friend introduced it to me two years ago.. This is the path I've chosen, and I'm not going to fail it.

some people underestimated me (and sometimes I feel like kicking their face and slapping their face and probably pushing them to the sewer and pretend nothing ever happened) but I will do my best. I promise, I will do my best. whatever happens on this god knows what university I have to finish it. Of course I am scared like hell.. I am scared but what the hell. New city, new friends, everything.. I will be brave.

For the rest of my friends.. I hope they can achieve their dreams, keep your eyes on the goal fellas! I wish you the best and may Allah be with you in every step you take and every decision you make.. :)